Anita Bora

Among the many benefits that this wired world has brought us along with breaking down geographical barriers and making life more convenient, is one which has been widely welcomed by single men and women the world over: the ability to find a life partner online.

The problem of course, remains the same - finding the "right" person is tough, especially if you belong to that category of people who believes that it should "happen" naturally. But, have a closer look at the lifestyles of the current generation. Not only do they spend longer hours at the office, they also find it increasingly difficult to find time to socialise, even if they are earning enough, due to their gruelling office schedules.

"So where does one find the "right" person? Is the net making it easier for communities to come together and find love in wired space? How is this different from the usual courtship process? How does one recognize true love, when the person on the other end might be hiding his or her real identity?

While there are a lot of stories of people who have had bad experiences on the net, there are also people who have registered for matrimonial or matchmaking sites, and have found the "right" person through the same services.

Sonia, a 25-year-old graphic artist, is quite sure that it will all happen magically one day and feels that registering for a matrimonial site would be quite a desperate measure. "It's like you're advertising yourself. And besides I think all the people who put up their profile have some flaw which they are trying to hide since they cannot find someone through the usual way," says this young lady, obviously not comfortable with the idea at all.

At the other end of the spectrum, meet Rahul and Priya. Both of them registered their profiles with Rediff Matchmaker (a service offered by Rediff Singles, now called Rediff Romance) with an intention of finding friends. Says Priya, "It was curiosity regarding the whole process of making friends through the net." For Rahul, it was more out of loneliness, since at that point he didn't have anyone special.

Their friendship developed over the net for a few months. In Priya's words: "It was a pure coincidence that we belonged to the same community. Moreover our hobbies complemented each other. We had a similar way of looking at life and expected almost the same things out of life. We shared a good sense of humour. All these factors endeared me towards this relationship. It didn't take more than few days to get comfortable with each other as we got along well right from the start."

The turning point says Rahul was an accident which left him seriously injured and immobile for a couple of months. This was when they began to chat over the phone and got to know each other better. They finally met after three months of beginning their friendship and Rahul made it clear from the start, that if they could work out their relationship, he was in for the long haul - marriage. Though based in different cities, they met over long weekends and chatted on the net and over the phone, and finally after seven months of friendship, decided to take the plunge and will be tying the knot with their parents' blessings this December.

A lot of matrimonial and matchmaking sites have testimonials and success stories on their sites. If you are looking for authenticity you can contact these people (if their email address is published) to find out whether they are genuine. The number of records on a particular site is also a good indication of the popularity.

The services offered by these sites should however be viewed only as a tool. To expect something to happen magically or overnight would be rather naïve. The success rate would probably be the same as advertising in a matrimonial column of a newspaper, except that it is more convenient and easier to find a specific profile on a site. The Internet also opens up a whole new world in terms of community specific, city specific and also global sites, especially for those interested in finding people in different countries.

Sujata Krishnan, mother of Poornima, a 26-year-old engineer is keen that her daughter finds a match abroad and has registered for several services. She is happy with the response, though once in a while she does tend to get unwanted proposals. She screens them herself and says that her daughter has met a few prospective grooms, but nothing has worked out yet. The Internet has its advantages feels Sujata, in that she replies to proposals only if she is satisfied they are genuine.

Rahul agrees that the net does make life easier, "The biggest advantage being that it shadows the physical attraction (crudely speaking "lust") you form or feel when you meet someone in real life. I agree physical attraction is neccessary in a relationship, but most of the time in real life, it overshadows the deeper mental understanding two persons need to develop if they are planning to spend their life together."

Monica, a 31-year-old accountant is happy to use matrimonial services online, provided they have genuine listings. "I did try a couple of services a few years ago, but they were all based overseas and nothing came out of it." She feels this is the norm these days, especially for career women, who spend a lot of time in the office, and do not actively socialise.

Echoes Priya, "Well, we are living examples of how good it can be but I guess it depends on the individuals as to how they project themselves and what are they looking for. If one is looking for an honest relationship one must search for one who is looking out for the same. Moreover the adage "Rome was not built in a day " holds good here. One has to be patient and basically believe in what one is looking for. It is my personal opinion that one should not expect much but just go along with the flow of knowing different kinds of people and making friends from all over the world."

So before you think it is a magical device which will open the doors for you, remember that these services are designed to help you, but don't depend on them as your only avenue to find that special someone. Also, while it is advised to be frank about yourself, it is also important that you do not reveal everything about yourself in your first or second mail. Get more familiar with the person you are exchanging emails with, and take as much time as you want to know each other. Talk to the person on the phone before you are sure you want to meet personally. Only when you are sure that you want to pursue the relationship further, take it to the next step.

Marriages might not be made only in heaven anymore, but once you have taken that final decision to marry someone, we're sure you would want it to be the closest thing to heaven that you will ever encounter.

Cosmopolitan Sites
The Indian Matrimonial Database
The Indian Matrimonial Database claims to be one of the earliest Indian marriage sites on the Internet with thousands of ads from India as well as from NRIs from around the world. There is a live chat and a picture gallery.

Indian Marriages
Claims to be the central site for matrimonials online. Log in for information, post your profile, look up advertisements or access the site via your mobile phone.

Internet Matrimonials
Internet Matrimonials provides customised matrimonial services to allow marriage-minded individuals to find others with similar interests and background. Also offers services for people of South Asian heritage and for Muslims of any origin.

Matrimonial Online
Indian matrimonial service with thousands of ads. Includes photographs. Updated around the clock.

Matri
Calling itself the most visited Indian matrimonial site, there were over 11,000 profiles when last visited. There are also testimonials of a few people who have used this service.

Web Marriages
This international matrimonial site has been developed to help you in finding your life partner with a database of matrimonials from all over the world.

Express India
Free matrimonials for Indians.

Jeevan Sathi
Profiles of thousands of Indian men and women. Includes both free and paid for services.

Aiswarya Matrimonial Services
Maintains a databank of horoscopes ordered with reference to caste, sub-sect, age, qualification, height, employment, etc pertaining to individuals in India as well as abroad.

Times Matrimonials
Matrimonial listings from The Times of India. The details are categorised on the basis of criteria such as occupation, community, education, income, age etc.

Sneha Quest
Maintains profiles of people, in India and abroad. All services are free, like posting and searching the database. However, if you want to contact another member, you will have to pay for membership.

Indian Rishte
Users can post photos and profiles of themselves and search for a bride or groom. You can also visit the chat room.

Community-Based
Shia Muslims
Sikh
Gujaratis, Marwaris, Kutchis
South Indians
Keralites

For Indians Overseas

Sangama America
Subam
For Indians Abroad
US Indians
Non-Resident Indians Online: Matrimonials
Matrimonials for Asian Indians
Global Weddings
Canadian Indians
Shaadi

Fee-based Web sites
4You
Indian Matrimony
God Bless Matrimonials
Matrimonial Link

Helpful tips to finding a life partner
Life Partner Quest
Includes advice on how to get what you want, with effective strategies for scouting, sorting, and screening.

12 Dating Traps and Solutions

Success Stories
Melvin-Malathi
Melvin Durai is a U.S.-based Indian humorist. He recently used Matrimonials.com to find his wife.

Directories of Matrimonial Sites
Directory India
Listing of more Indian matrimonial sites and services.
India Exchange