ASHRAYA 1998 HIGHLIGHTS (DEC-98)

Editorial

1998 seems to have just flown by. There's been much activity and growth, of the organisation and within the organisation. While our projects have expanded and strengthened, its very heartening to note that the people involved - staff, volunteers and the women and children in the programmes, have achieved personal growth and a feeling of purpose in their lives. All of this is made possible by the strong support we have from all our friends, and for this we thank you most sincerely.

When and how to tell a child that he or she is adopted is a question all adoptive parents have to face. It's never too early to start because children come to terms with being adopted if its communicated to them quite naturally. In this issue of the letter we have a heart warming account by a young girl on how she learned she was adopted. Though she isn't from our home she's been a regular visitor over the years.

It takes courage and a special commitment to adopt a special needs child. One couple in Bangalore did this, and tell us their story of how they adopted a visually impaired little girl.

Angeline (ex-Ashraya) visited from the U.S. and our Art Show was once again a success.

This last year has been a very good one and we look forward to what the next one will bring.

We hope all our friends will keep in touch. Have a wonderful New Year.

Yours sincerely,
Surya Vaz
Editor

Childrens Home

There are at present 34 children at the home. Of the 18 children placed in 1998, 7 went in international adoption and 11 went to Indian families. Bangalore police this year set up a " Child Help Line " or " Makkala Sahayavani " with an exclusive telephone line to help children lost or in trouble. As these children need a safe place to stay, Ashraya volunteered to offer temporary shelter until their families could be traced. This has meant a bit of coming and going and a disruption in the school room. However, if anyone has been present at a reunion of child and ' lost ' family they'd say it was worth staying in the programme. To accommodate these children comfortably and to prevent possible spread of infection especially in the nursery, we' ll be accommodating them in a flat next door to the home. These premises have been kindly loaned to us by the architectural firm, Mistry Architects.

Diwali was celebrated with the usual enthusiasm . An old favourite, the magician was here again. Most of the children weren't here last Diwali, so it was all new for them, but even the ' old ' children were totally enthralled. These occassions provide a wonderful opportunity for the adoptive parents and children to meet us and each other. Fireworks bright, and only slightly noisy, brought the evening to a close.

Volunteers

There is no doubt - we are extremely lucky to have this band of dedicated volunteers who contribute immensely to the overall development and socialising of the children. Barbara Munroe works with the children to improve their reading and writing skills. Barbara Brodie does all sorts of creative activities, lay modelling, printing, collages. Kathy Dorsam comes in regularly to spend time with the babies and younger children. Sumati Subbaiah makes sure the children keep up with their school work. A video player, TV set and cassettes were donated to the home by Rebecca. This provides great entertainment and fun learning experience for the children.

Ginny Bell gave most generously of her time and resources while she was here and continues to keep in touch. after her return to the US.

The young male volunteers from the Mormon church who spend time in the afternoons make up an important part of the children's day.

To all these people and so many others we haven't mentioned, we want to say thank you, we need you and your efforts go a long way in making the children feel loved and secure.

Site Creches

Creches are being ran at 3 places and one was started this year at Electronic City. These provide as before, the care and basic education to young children of migrant labour on construction sites. The Shivajinagar creche children had a treat this year,when LB Publishers organised a party for them.

Here the personal involvement of a volunteer, Kajolie Khanna has made a difference. She visits regularly, does creative work, looks into medical problems and has re-equipped the creche. A special thank you to you, Kajolie.

Womens Centre

'Tara ' is running smoothly and we have at present 12 women with their children, some of whom are schooling at Neelbagh. We are extremely proud of one of our women, who joined the Jindal School of Nursing. She is top of her class and should have a bright future ahead of her. Some of the women have returned to their families after counseling and some have been rehabilitated and moved out.

We still need to reach out to more women who feel desperate and don't know that there is this facility available to them.

Neelbagh School

In addition to 33 day students, Neelbagh now has 30 students in residence. Of the resident students, some are from the site creches and a few are children of the women at Tara. This underscores the fact that our seemingly diverse projects are indeed mutually supporting.

Classes are from Lower KG to Class IV. We plan to add one class each year and eventually reach class X. Neelbagh has an excellent library of about 800 good books. Two new blocks of bathrooms have been put up and fencing and a new gate were added. Staff strength at present is 10. Ofcourse, expansion of the existing facilities to accommodate more classes means we need to raise more funds. And this means we need another Art Show! . "The Masters for a Child" Art Show, which has become a regular feature was held in Dubai this November. Sumati and Nomita went from Ashraya and the artist community was represented by Anjolie Ela Menon and Naina Kanodia.

Art Show

Sumathi Satish who was there encouraged by the success of last year's Art Show at Bangalore, Ashraya set out to hold another one - this time at Dubai. When Nomita Chandy mooted the idea to Rugmini Prabhakar and Ravi Sreedharan (both adoptive parents based in Dubai) they were very enthusiastic and pledged their full co-operation. Prabhakar and Ravi who are members of the Dubai Creek Round Table , enlisted the support of their fellow Tablers to organise this show to raise money for the expansion of the Neelbagh school at Rayalpad. Ms. Omena Menon, a well known and respected member of the Indian community and Ms. Malini Gulrajani, owner of a popular Art Gallery, joined hands with the Dubai Creek Round Table to put together an extremely successful Art Show for the benefit of Ashraya. We are proud to be one of the first Social Welfare Organisation from India to hold an Art Show outside the country to raise funds.

At this end, Nomita appealed to India's top Artists like Yusuf Arakkal, Naina Kanodia, Sunil Das, Redeppa Naidu, Altaf, Rini Dhumal to contribute paintings to yet another charitable cause. It is gratifying to know that over sixty of them came forward with their finest work. The star of the show was Ms. Anjolie Ela Menon's hauntingly beautiful painting. " Father and Girl child ".

The show opened on the 22nd of November at the Dubai International Hotel, Ms. Anjolie Ela Menon spoke about the contemporary Art Scene in India, and about how Indian Artists are making their presence felt on an international level. Ms. Amrita Jhaveri from Christies, an Auction House in London , made a presentation on " Art as an Investment ".By the end of her presentation the five hundred odd guests were impatient to view the paintings. The next hour saw seasoned collectors, art lovers, first - time buyers and casual visitors all vying with each other to pick up the painting of their choice, not only for the sake of possessing a fine piece of Art but also with a desire to help an under-priviledged child.

By the end of the evening almost all the paintings were sold with a sizable amount in the kitty of Ashraya. Ms. Naina Kanodia, a well known artist from Mumbai conducted an Art Camp for children between the ages of 6 to 15. The children enjoyed working with Naina who took a personal interest in each child, giving them valuable tips on style and technique. The proceeds from the Art Camp also came to Ashraya. These funds will go towards expanding the existing Primary School at Neelbagh to a High School with vocational training.

We at Ashraya would like to express our gratitude to Ms. Omena Menon, Ms. Malini Gulrajani and all the members of the Dubai Creek Round Table for working so selflessly to put the " Masters for a Child " show together. Their efforts will ensure a better future for every child passing out from the Neelbagh School.

Angeline's Story

Its always exciting having one of our ' children ' come back to visit. Full of exuberance and joy d'vivre is Angeline, 20 years old, who is here for a few months to explore her roots nd reacquaint herself with her biological family. For our reunion lunch at Ashraya she dressed up in a sari jasmines in her hair and a nose ring completed the demure Indian look. It was quite out of character but we loved it !!

Angeline left India in 1992 when she was 13 to live with her adoptive family in Alaska. She knew very little English and at the start as she remembers it, she felt isolated in the large family by her inability to communicate. At about this time she joined a special English class where her class mates were all Philipinos who chattered away in their own language, leaving her with the uneasy feeling that they were discussing her. The happy outcome of this situation was her English did improve and she learnt Philipino as well ! In typical Angeline speak " For every disadvantage there is always an advantage ".

Life in her new country was some times rough going. The stormy teenage years, the hurly burly of life in a family of children of different cultures, and the eventual branching out to live on her own, work and finish school. She has plans for the future, though, a college degree and visiting India again as soon as she's saved up enough to make the trip. As with many young people of her age she's still searching for her true identity.

We wish her all the luck in the world.

Kritika's Story

"My Child you are Adopted"
Sometimes parents face the dilema of when where and how to tell a child he/she is adopted. We believe its never too early to start.

I was in the second standard then. I loved hearing my dad's stories about Renu the adopted child. One day, after my dad concluded the story, he called for my mom and brother. They both came into the room. My dad said " I think its time to tell her ". My mother and brother nodded. They approached me lovingly and sat beside me. My father started out by saying, "You are an adopted child, we actually got you from a hospital. We chose you because you were one of the only babies who had a smile on your face ". I didn't understand what adopted ' meant, so I asked.

Dad said, if a child is left in a hospital and asked to be taken care of, incase the parents have a problem, and if any other family takes the child, they have adopted the child. At first I was shocked, I didn't expect this. I then asked my father, " Papa, why did you adopt me " ? And he said " We adopted you because Manasi, our daughter passed away, we wanted another child so we adopted you All of them, then wished me goodnight, and went to their bedrooms. I forgot about it.

Some of my friends came to know about it, so they used to tease me by telling me that I never knew who my real parents were. I used to cry and complain to dad. He told me not to pay attention to them. I took his advice, and since then my friends haven't mentioned the topic. I have lived in this house for thirteen years, and am treated like any other child-scolded, loved and understood. Sometime these questions arise in my mind. Who are my real parents? Why did they leave me?

There haven't been any answers, so I try not to think about it for now, because I doubt I'd come to know. I 'm naturally curious, if I get to know it would be good, if I don't , it isn't the end of the world.

Shalini's Story

"The quality of life need not be compromised because of a visual defect. The most important element in a child's eventual appreciation of his/her existence is the harmony of thought and action that results from promoting strengths rather than deficits".

Where do I begin . I really do not know how to begin or what to write because it all happened so suddenly. We had taken up Shalini in foster care and before we knew what was happening she had captured our hearts and we decided to adopt her. She is so much a part of us now that we feel that she was meant to be ours but an accident of birth caused her to be born into another family.

I cannot imagine our lives without Shalini - its strange but many of my friends have also told me so - she some how completes the family.

We had never in our wildest dreams imagined we would get such an unique opportunity - but then I guess there is a time and place for things to happen.

We dont have to make any major changes in our life-style in bringing up a child with a visual impairment. All that we have to do is be always conscious to be thoughtful basic consideration for a human is all that is required. Hence we have began to view life with new dimensions.

Though she does not see, she has a vision - she is full of life and like any other child wants to get going. While I fear whether I can fully communicate with her so that she can learn to her fullest potential - she teaches me what faith and trust really are ; while I try to make her happy - she teaches me what true joy really is. Her contagious spirit has created a larger sense of compassion and empathy in all of us. She teaches us through her eyes of inspiration, hope and courage. She impresses on us the vision to achieve in spite of difficulties.

If anyone has reason to be discouraged or presentful, it would be her. It is such a challenge to do even a small task, like finding a crayon that she drops on the floor. I find myself closing my eyes many times trying to perform tasks that are easy for the sighted, realizing the effort it takes her to perform the same. And yet she finds a way to be happy and appreciative of everything.

Ofcourse I go through days, anxiety filled, butterflies in my stomach, fear in my heart, when I think of her future - but they are momentary. She always wants to be like other children, wants to play and do what they do, and her enthusiasm gives us the strength to guide and motivate her to achieve all that her peer group can do, whether it is to climb the slide or monkey bars, to roller skate, ride a bicycle, swim, play the piano or take lessons in ballet. She makes attempts to master these activities and has confidence in herself. It is this confidence in her that makes all who come in contact with her realize that she is not a visually impaired child - but a child with a visual impairment.

It is this 'child ' who we, the family, her teachers, interact with and we adopt means to overcome the hindrances the 'visual impairment ' causes. I am sure with the right kind of guidance the sky is the limit to what she will achieve in all spheres of life.

I mention here with great pride and admiration the way in which my older children have taken to her. Their sincere appreciation and encouragement in all her achievements is something words cannot express.

All I can say to conclude is that we are truly blessed. There are many who have the will but not the means and many who have the means but not the will.